Call Summary: Generational Curses, Father Wounds, and The Way to Love

Overview

Late-night hangout at Dawson's apartment that evolved into a deep theological and philosophical discussion. Brian shared extensively about his relationship with his Mexican immigrant father and the patterns he's worked to break. Gary connected this to his own family history (grandparents as communist labor camp prisoners in China). The group explored generational curses through both biblical and psychological lenses, ultimately reading together from Anthony de Mello's The Way to Love about the "flabby mind" and how to shed layers of mental fat.

Key Topics Discussed

Brian's Father Relationship

• Cultural Gap: Father grew up in Mexico, speaks English but struggles with abstract/philosophical concepts
• Sexual Education: Only guidance was "that's disgusting" about masturbation; misunderstanding about "69" ("you know what this means? That means you're trying to rape")
• Physical Altercations: Got into fights at 14-15; Brian had to be "the adult" and initiate reconciliation
• Father's Background: Grew up without his own father present; explains his parenting style
• Transformation: Brian asked himself "Do I want this relationship with my father?" and decided "I'm down to be the first to change"
• Framework: "Meet him where he's at" - Brian carries this into all relationships now
• Curse Breaking Insight: "Is that a curse that I just broke? Like, in relationships with family and father?"

Gary's Family History

• Communist Prisoners: Both grandfathers were re-educated in labor camps in China (one for 6 years, one for 1 year)
• Great-Grandfather: Was a preacher
• Parents: "Just know how to work a job like yours... There's no entrepreneurship"
• Current Challenge: "My task is to break through to ownership level"
• Brother: Raised $20M in 2021 for crypto startup, still searching for product-market fit, hasn't shown entrepreneurial success
• Spiritual Dimension: "I have to overcome an amazing amount of persistence to do something that I think my whole lineage has feared"

Dawson's Perspective on Risk

• Father's Leap: Father left his professor job with no financial security, three kids in school
• Long-Term Resentment: "The majority of my thoughts throughout the last decade have been like, that was the dumbest decision of all time"
• Reframe: Now sees it gave him "a very high tolerance for risk"
• Current View: "I don't think I hold it against him now. I think I did for a long time."

Generational Curses: Theological Exploration

• Biblical Challenge: Jesus explicitly pushes back against generational curses in John 9
• Disciples' Question: "Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
• Jesus's Response: "Neither this man nor his parents sinned... it is for God's glory to be made manifest"
• Gary's Research: "Jesus does not teach about generational curses in the way that it's presented today... The modern idea comes mostly from selective reading of Old Testament passages"
• Core Message: Personal responsibility, repentance, transformation, freedom and restoration
• Epigenetics Discussion: Explored whether habits/trauma get encoded into DNA through epigenetics

Brian's Islam Consideration

• Context: Post-Catholic exploration during peak Andrew Tate/Red Pill era
• Friend's Claim: Egyptian Muslim friend showed document claiming descent from Mohammed
• Appeal: "Lack of tolerance for certain things... very rigid... turn your cheek, that's not the way"
• Christian Friend's Challenge: "So you want a religion that abides to you, not the other way around?"
• Realization: "I was interested in Islam because it sounded aligned with me rather than me getting challenged"

East of Eden Reference

• Gary's Connection: "East of Eden is all about this. The idea of generational curses essentially. Where one father does something, and then the next father does something, and then the kids inherit all their shit"
• Key Insight: "It's largely psychological... but we fight not against flesh and blood, we fight against principalities"

Kennedy Family / Curses Discussion

• Question: "What happened to the Kennedy family? Why are there so many people that died?"
• Gary's Take: "I don't believe in predestination in that sense. I think Muslims can be born again and break off the lineage"
• Purpose of Evil: "If there's a reason for evil, it's so that good can exist"
• Testimony Frame: "The reason for the generational curses is that an individual can still break them... can overcome it and be a testimony"

America as Blessed Nation

• Gary's Evolution: "I'm also starting to believe that America's blessed. Which feels unfair, once again. But it's not mine anymore."
• Evidence: America sends many missionaries, produces enormous amount of Christian content
• Brian's Comparison: Romania (Andrew Tate's location) as alternative Christian nation

The Way to Love Reading

• Author: Anthony de Mello
• Central Metaphor: "Think of a flabby person covered with layers of fat. That is your mind."
• Problem: Mind becomes "too dull and lazy to think, to observe, to explore, to discover"
• Cause: "Put a thick coating of attachment and fear onto anyone and everything, and in that very instant you just see that person as a thing"
• Prison Metaphor: "You are in a prison created by the beliefs and traditions of your society and culture"

Four Steps to Break Free (de Mello)

1. Realize: "Realize you are surrounded by prison walls" - awareness
2. Contemplate: "Spend hours just observing your ideas, your habits, your attachments, your fears, without any judgment. Look at them and they will crumble"
3. Observe Fresh: "Spend time observing the things and people around you... see them afresh, as they are in themselves"
4. Watch Your Mind: "Sit down quietly and observe how your mind functions... Watch the whole of it for long stretches of time"

James Clear Phone Insight

• Gary's Example: "Even if I put my phone in a room down the hall, I won't even want to check it. But if I have it right here, I'll check it every three seconds"
• Application: How do you make decisions that "shed those layers of fat"?
• Practical: Remove temptations entirely so you're not thinking about them

Key Quotes

Brian on Breaking Patterns:

"Do I want this relationship with my father? Like, do I always want it to be like this? Something has to change. I'm down to be the first to change."

Gary on Entrepreneurial Breakthrough:

"I really want my generation of men to break through. But it actually does feel spiritual in a way. Like, I have to overcome an amazing amount of persistence to do something that I think my whole lineage has feared."

On Purpose of Curses:

"The reason for the generational curses is that an individual can still break them. Can overcome it and be a testimony."

Gary on Surrendering to the Design:

"I've basically surrendered trying to design the game better than God. And it's just like, okay, I guess that's how you made it. Some people have it way harder than other people. That's almost just an objective fact. But I wouldn't know how to design the game better."

Brian's Conversion Catalyst:

"So you want a religion that abides to you, not the other way around."

De Mello on the Unaware Life:

"Can you even be said to be alive if you are not even conscious of your own thoughts and reactions? The unaware life, it is said, is not worth living. It cannot even be called life. It is a mechanical, robotic existence... asleep and unconscious... a death."

Context Notes

• Late night hangout (Brian noted "It's 3 a.m., I gotta sleep soon")
• Brian has run club at 2:30am (early morning)
• Gary recommended Brian read The Way to Love with his romantic interest
• Discussed going to The Elephant Room (jazz club)

Action Items / Takeaways

• Brian to read The Way to Love by Anthony de Mello
• Gary connecting his family history to his entrepreneurial calling
• All three recognizing the spiritual dimension of breaking generational patterns
• Dawson reframing his father's risk-taking as a gift rather than curse